The Daring Agency

Michael’s new business venture was, as he told The Irish Times, “a daring agency—think matchmaking, but for those who need an extra push.”

The idea, in his mind, was simple: help people “take bold steps” in life, whether that was skydiving, opening a café, or—in Anna’s case—getting married off so she would, as he privately admitted, “pose less of an existential challenge to my personal empire.”

The agency operated from a hastily rented office above a hardware shop, decorated with motivational posters and a reception desk manned by a retired nun named Sister Bernadette, who handled all the awkward questions with a calm smile.

For Anna, Michael drew up what he called a “prospectus of romantic potential,” listing her attributes with all the subtlety of a livestock auctioneer.
“She has grit,” he announced to a room of potential suitors, “knows how to stretch a euro further than an Irish motorway budget, and can identify safe sleeping spots in under 90 seconds.”

Anna, of course, wasn’t having it. She arrived uninvited at one of Michael’s “romantic showcases,” wearing her most unmatchable outfit and a glare sharp enough to cut ribbon.
When a well-meaning accountant from Cork tried to introduce himself, she handed him a bus timetable and said, “You’ll need this.”

By the end of the week, Michael’s daring agency had pivoted away from matchmaking entirely.
He claimed it was “to focus on high-octane life coaching,” but privately admitted that Anna’s unshakable independence had “ruined the metrics.”

The only person who benefitted was Sister Bernadette, who used the leftover engagement ring catalogues as coasters in the staffroom.

Here’s how The Irish Times covered Michael’s short-lived “daring agency” venture, complete with the comments section that quickly turned into a national sport:

Headline:
Property Tycoon Diversifies: Michael G Tierney  Opens ‘Daring Agency’ to Encourage “Bold Life Choices”

Excerpt:
Irish businessman Michael G. Tierney has launched what he describes as “Ireland’s first full-service daring agency,” aimed at helping clients “break free from comfort zones.”
Services range from extreme sports bookings to “life realignments,” including matchmaking “for those in need of romantic direction.”

Tierney said the agency was inspired by his friend/nemesis Anna, “a woman of considerable resourcefulness who could benefit from strategic matrimonial placement.”
He added, “She has a lot of skills but frankly, she’s wasted on being single.”

Anna declined to comment directly but was observed leaving the agency’s offices with a bus timetable and a packet of digestive biscuits, mysteriously saying they were for 'Shirt Man'.

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Readers’ Comments:

Mairead_in_Mayo:
Ah yes, the classic millionaire fix for women: marriage. He’s basically an estate agent for humans now.

James_from_Carlow:
Is there a daring agency package where he dares to pay his taxes? Asking for a friend.

GalwayGullWatcher:
Imagine thinking Anna would let him marry her off. The gulls on Salthill have more chance.

UrbanHedgehog:
If “strategic matrimonial placement” means shoving your mate into a wedding dress, I think I’ll pass.

TeaAndTruths:
Anna—if you’re reading this—please keep the bus timetable. You’ll need it to escape the next one.

Moderator Notice:
Several comments have been removed for speculation about Mr Tierney’s personal life and for inappropriate comparisons to cattle markets.